Intimate Ghost Contact - Dreams or Haunting? September 4, 2009 (via an ad we have on Craigslist.org) (question and answer were edited slightly to remove any identifying text)
Question: Hi Beth and Sean, I saw you add on craigslist and just want to find out what advice you can give or share. My problem at my house is that I am being visited by a ghost at least 2 or 3 times a year. We have been living at this house for 18 yrs. In the last 7 yrs, I have been visited by a ghost. I saw the ghost once. This ghost thinks I am his lover or wife. Here are the different encounters that I have and I just told my husband last summer but he is not a believer.
1. One time I was sleeping, I thought my husband was sleeping beside me and when I turned around to tell him time to wake up, there was no one around. My husband already left and I looked at the time it was 5:30 am. I ran to look at the window and there was no car. My husband leaves @ 4am.
2. When my husband was sick, I slept on the other room twin bed, and I thought was husband was lying beside me bcoz his leg was wrap around me...then I heard the shower running. It was my husband who was taking shower and I felt the ghost move.
3. I was in the basement lying on the couch and my husband just gave me a kiss bcoz he was leaving for work @ 4am and he left (heard the door shut and the truck left). I was watching TV, the room was dark. I felt a kiss on my cheek and I saw the ghost. Every time my husband leaves, I always see an encounter lying beside me.
I have a picture of St Benedict on my husband's pillow case. I wear a crucifix with St. Benedict. I always say a prayer every night. I blessed my whole house with Holy water. Please advise... What should I do? I mentioned this to a co-worker and he said to pray to St. Michael. Some people I could not tell because they don't believe and they said I was dreaming. A German friend said he wants to come to my house and talk to the encounter. Thanks.
Answer: Hello! Thank you so much for your question. I have a lot of information for you, and I only ask that you keep an open mind.
Firstly, nothing that you have said suggests to me that there is any danger. Hauntings are unnerving, to be sure. But rarely any danger. So while it may be frightening when these events occur, know that it is not something you should let run your life.
Okay, so here is what I want to say about your experiences. This may not be what you want to hear, but I ask that you keep an open mind that your encounters may be dream phenomena. Yes, I know it is difficult to believe when things seem so real (and you may feel like you are fully awake when you experience them!). I am not saying for sure that you do or don't have a spirit in your home, but we always look for the most logical and reasonable explanation first.
There is a very real and normal condition called "Sleep Paralysis." This happens when your brain and body aren't quite awake on the same schedule. Don't let the name fool you...Sleep Paralysis is when someone wakes up and feels as if they are being watched, choked, hit, touched, paralyzed, etc...and the person can also experience hallucinations, especially if the Sleep Paralysis happens in the middle of or just after a lucid dream. People often report seeing things - figures, people, etc.
My husband and I have heard many reports of this - For example, a woman woke up and saw the figure of a dark man standing over her bed, which frightened her a great deal. Another case we did, a small child woke up and said he was being choked. He also said he saw a man walk behind their refrigerator. These variations of Sleep Paralysis can be very, very real to the person experiencing them. But they are very normal and not uncommon dream phenomena. I only ask that you keep this as an option.
My husband and I have found over the years that the psychological aspect of a haunting is every bit as important as the actual events reported. So in the interest of trying to find the most logical explanation, I would ask the following questions. I hope these aren't to personal...remember that my goal is to find the truth, and some of these may be important in determining if it is more likely that you are having a psychological experience (dream) or more likely that you have a spirit. :-)
> The events seem to be associated with your husband leaving. Do you have any anxiety about him being gone? Is he gone a lot? >Do you have other kids at home, or are they all out of the house? If they are gone, do you feel a sense of emptiness? >Since the dreams involve intimacy, are there intimacy issues with your husband? Is it lacking, and do you wish you were more intimate? >Do you have an unusual sleep pattern? You mentioned watching TV at 4 AM when your husband left, do you stay up that late or do you get up when he does and go back to sleep? >What happened 7 years ago? Did you go through any emotional changes (death in the family, child leaving home, etc)? Did you do any major renovation at that time? Usually activity decreases over time, unless some event triggers it (like renovation). >Do you know any history of the house? Did someone die there?
I do think it is possible that you could have a ghost, but from what you said it doesn't sound like it would be the most likely explanation for your events. We have to be careful about experiences that happen when waking or in a half-awake state.
So now let's turn the tables...what if you DO have a haunting? Again, nothing you have said leads me to believe it is dangerous. I think it's fine if you don't say anything to your daughter but she shouldn't have anything to be afraid of. Hauntings can definitely be unnerving but they are rarely any cause for alarm. If you do have a ghost, it sounds like it is either trying to comfort you or seek comfort. If you ever feel comfortable talking to your daughter, you might ask if she has had any experiences herself. Some spirits can be attracted to a particular type of person (female vs male, child vs adult, etc).
If it makes you feel better to bless your house or pray to St. Michael, by all means do it. Personally, I don't think that will make any difference unless your events are more psychological, in which case they might. If you do have a ghost, I doubt that either of them will have any affect on him. You can also try talking to it. Many ghosts are just trying to communicate.
Follow up from questioner: Beth, Thank you so very much for responding. I am so glad that I can talk to someone.
I do not see any danger at all but I get a little bit scared at times. From the house history, it used to be a cottage and in 1974 the previous owner renovated the house to a 2 story home. I met a farm lady about 15 yrs ago and she told me that this house used to be a place to dry mink hide.
Beth, I also have to tell you that this happens during the daytime. One time on my way to work, I heard a voice called my name and responded "what", I got scared and run back up the stairs. Another incident was when I was taking shower it said "hurry up". I run out of the shower and see if anyone was home. No one. I look out the window and did not see any car.
My husband and I work at a hospital and he leaves the house around 4:30am. The only time he leaves the house is when he goes to work. We are both early risers (I leave the house @ 6:40am). When he leaves, I do sometimes fall asleep again or just sit and watch TV.
As far as someone died in this house, I don't have any clue. My mom-in-law passed away 7 yrs ago in PA, my mom 6yr ago in IL and we did some remodeling down the basement.
My question to you, Can Ghost be violent or aggressive? If a ghost is seeking for comfort, what should I do. Either way, I pray.
Beth, once again, I am very happy for you responding to my email.
Follow up Answer: Given the additional information, it does sound like you might have something going on.
First let me answer your question: Can a ghost be violent or aggressive? Well, if you believe that a 'ghost' is the spirit of someone departed, it is possible that someone who was not a nice person when alive could not be a nice person in the afterlife. However, from our experience and research, those are the minority. And even the 'not so nice' spirits can't really do much to you other than frighten you (and only if you let them). Even spirits that are the most gentle and kind can wreak havoc on people's lives because people are so unnerved by these unexplainable events. A person's worst enemy is themselves when it comes to the vast majority of hauntings. Hopefully by you becoming more aware, it will help.
Your ghost doesn't sound like a negative personality. That being said, if any ghost that is contacting you intimately, then that could be uncomfortable (not to mention frightening to hear your name when no one is around). One thing you might try is talking to the entity. Let it know if something happens that you are not comfortable with. And take ownership of your home. If you feel like it is doing something deliberately to scare you, tell it you will not let it run your life.
We did a case once where a family moved out of their dream home because the mom/wife was so frightened by events. The dad didn't want to leave and nothing that they reported was violent or agressive, but the mom was so unnerved and afraid that she couldn't live there any more. For me, this is horribly sad. To let some unexplained events drive you from your home is very extreme and doesn't have to happen.
When these things happen you basically have several choices:
-Ignore them - if you ignore, they may eventually go away and stop communicating. -Peacefully cohabitate (which means also letting them know when something displeases you and letting them know you will NOT be scared out of your home). -Let them run your life, which is emotionally and psychologically draining.
From what you have told me, it sounds more like you have an intelligent haunting. However, there are other types of hauntings, one of the more common types being a "Residual" haunting. This isn't an aware spirit but more like a tape recording. These won't respond to you trying to communicate with them but typically fade over time.
Let me know if you have any more questions, I'll try to help.